What happens if you throw a ladies Christian book club meeting and no one comes? Is it a message from God? A sign from the universe that, in fact, I have been right all along and as soon as anyone finds out who I really am they will run -not walk- away from me as quickly as their little legs will carry them? I could try and spin it positively: maybe this is His way of telling me I need to stop everything and be still.
I am not such a big fan of that message, truth be told. At this point in my life I feel the only thing keeping me moving forward is sheer momentum. Am I overscheduled? Yep. Do I have a huge to-do list filled with small and big items guaranteed to keep me busy all day? Check. Do I carry my phone, reading, and journal around with me at all times? Absolutely.
Quiet scares me. Quiet means I am alone with just what is rolling around in my head and it is too easy to talk myself into an absolute tizzy to want to be trapped in my consciousness for too long.
So I push away quiet. Push away stillness. Unfortunately, it may be that I am also pushing away a diving connection I could really use right now.
Minutes before my friends showed up for group at my door, I texted a friend who has her own stressors to see how she was doing. She said she was surviving. As I wrote back to her, “Survival is sometimes our only hope.”
So today I’m keeping it simple: gratitude for friends and a general faith in survival.
Love to each of you….